Toilet Training
The good news with toilet training is that eventually every kiddo learns to use the potty. Now, whether that is on a parent’s preferred timeline is where the questions around potty training stem. Most kiddos, boys and girls, are potty trained by 3.5 years (80%). I know that is a long time to be changing diapers and I know some kids get potty trained earlier (way earlier), but those are those kids and not your kids. When figuring out when to potty train we should be looking for signals in the kiddos that they are also looking for better/faster/cleaner ways to get rid of poop and pee so they can go back to playing with their toys.
At some point a kiddo’s evolutionary drive to get away from things that smell/feel gross will start to develop and using this survival drive (i.e., gross smelling and feeling things can often spread disease so best get away ASAP) a kiddo will be drawn to potty train. When a kiddo is immediately asking you to change their diaper after a pee and/or poop because it is uncomfortable it’s time to potty train. You don’t want to do it too early or else it’ll just be a power struggle between you and your kiddo. And those who control the anal sphincters control the battle and will always win.
Once a kiddo shows that they are ready for potty training, it is off the races. There are two main ways of potty training nowadays. There is the more old school method from a book called Potty Training in a Weekend or Potty Training in 3 days. This is the method where you basically bribe the kiddo to go potty. Every time they try/go potty they get a little treat and in 3 days – a week you have a close to potty trained kiddo. The other, more new school, method is from the potty-training book Oh Crap. This is the method of Donald Ducking-it (no pants, no diaper, no problem) for a weekend-week-ish and catch them in the act of going and direct them to the potty.
Both methods work great as long as you stick with them, are consistent, and there is no punishment for not going in the potty.
I usually have families pick which method sounds more do-able for their child and get a used copy of that book on Amazon so everyone knows the ground rules for a successful potty-training adventure.
Now, having said that, always remember that not every kiddo potty trains by 3.5 years (20% are still not potty trained at that time) and the gastroenterologists and the urologists don’t start getting concerned unless we have a 6-year-old not potty trained during the day. Note that I said during the day. Nighttime bed wetting can go on for a lot longer, especially if that sort of thing runs in the family, as nighttime bedwetting or nocturnal enuresis has more to do with genetic variations in sleep cycles (a la night terrors, restless leg, night walking, night talking) then it does with control over the bladder.
Now, let’s say you are a parent that maybe wants to gently speed up the potty-training readiness. We should still wait for your kiddo to tell you they are ready for potty-training, but it does not mean we can’t make being potty trained more enticing. When you go to Target, or a similar store, and you walk by the kid’s underwear section, take a second to point out how cool they are with all the different cartoon characters and that kids who are potty trained get to wear these. How neat! Or if you are driving by a park that you have not been to before with an awesome playground (and you have no intention of going to today) you can casually state that it would be awesome to go there, but that that park is for kids who are potty-trained; no diapers allowed. I know, not the most truthful, but think of how proud and excited they will be when they work hard to be potty-trained so they can go down that awesome slide. Not only are they potty-trained, but they also learn that putting in hard work has its rewards.